George Carlin’s Birthday

George Carlin was born on this day in 1937. He is sorely missed.

Carlin on religion:

Because folks, I gotta tell ya, when it comes to bullshit, truly major-league bullshit, you have to stand back in awe — in awe of the all time heavyweight champion of false promises and exaggerated claims — religion — organized religion — it’s no contest. Religion, easily — easily, has the best bullshit story of all time. Think about it: religion has convinced people, that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do, and if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish, for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you–he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. He always needs money. He’s all-powerful, all-present, all-knowing and all-wise — just can’t handle money.

You Are All Diseased (1999)

Carlin on the FCC:

The FCC — The Federal Communications Commission — decided all by itself that radio and television were the only two parts of American Life not protected by the free speech provisions of the First Amendment to the Constitution. I’d like to repeat that because it sounds VAGUELY IMPORTANT… The FCC, an appointed body — not elected — answerable only to the President — decided on its own that radio and television were the only two parts of American Life not protected by the First Amendment to the Constitution, and why did they decide that? Because they got a letter from a minister in Mississippi. A “Reverend Donald Wildman” in Mississippi heard something on the radio that he didn’t like! Well, Reverend, did anyone ever tell you there are two knobs on the radio? Of course, I’m sure the Reverend isn’t that comfortable with anything that has two knobs on it. But, hey Reverend, there are two knobs on the radio — one of them turns the radio off and the other one changes the station! Imagine that Reverend — you can actually change the station! It’s called “freedom of choice” and it’s one of the principles this country was founded upon — look it up in the library, Reverend, if you have any of them left when you’ve finished burning all the books.

What am I Doing in New Jersey? (1988)

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